THE STATE OF AMERICA.. AS DEFINED BY FREDDIE MERCURY…
An OPEN LETTER TO NANCY PELOSI… ( and everyone who EVER suffered violation and ensuing anger .. TRAUMA)
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Nancy.. I feel you ..
2012..
A harrowing experience that so grievously violated my safety and boundaries …
I didn’t see it coming .. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time .. Yeah.. all that …
I was SOOOOO ANGRY …
I wanted “Justice”… I wanted the other party to FEEL SORRY for what they did ..
I couldn’t understand WHY he did not .. in fact .. he was emboldened by his actions ..
DOUBLE ANGER ..
I confronted him.. (against the advice of pretty much everyone).. I DEMANDED he BE SORRY.. he wouldn’t look me in the eyes .. but he was so not sorry ..
He felt a twisted justification…
TRIPLE ANGER ..
I labeled him an “animal”.. others fed my anger by pointing out his sociopathic behavior and all the reasons WHY I missed the clues
SUPER DUPER ANGER …
HERES THE THING..
HE DID WHAT HE DID .. because he was filled with RAGE.. I was just his latest outlet for his anger over NEVER FEELING LOVED..
( no.. you cannot PUNISH THIS OUT OF ANYONE .. NOR CAN YOU HUG IT OUT)
I knew why .. I knew his abusive actions were a result of his abused childhood
I refused to ALLOW that to BE ..
HE WAS BAD .. I WAS NOT .. PERIOD ..(exclamation point )
FAST FORWARD.. I spent years ANGRY.. ( not surface level stuff .. but I was emotionally shut off.. anxious .. second guessed everything .. stayed close to home. .. looked for the safety I longed to regain everywhere ..
All.. with a pasted smile on my face ..
I went WASPY.. PRO LEVEL ..
He..”Slap on the wrist”.. duped the law enforcement and legal system.. Continued with his life .. found a new target ..( 3 that I have been made aware of .. ). His pattern continues… he is the SAME.. in every way ..
SO….
Every “Now and Then”…. I have a flashback ..
I’m “good”with “it” now .. ( years of therapy .. as a cling to my beloved HEBREW BUDDHIST THERAPIST.. on speed dial ..)
I feel it .. I let the anger rise up in my chest .. I feel it .. I remind myself of the FACTS … I let it pass through ..
The experience has given me much .. (albeit .. it took a long, LONG time)
Heightened EMPATHY, “COMPASSION”.. ( for myself ).. RESILIENCE..
I survived the violence … the attack…it was meant to kill me. ..
On every level
It..DID NOT..
How to best explain all this to NANCY PELOSI.. who doesn’t seem to
See what caused these humans to ACT so VIOLENTLY. .. VIOLATE..
THREATEN HER SAFETY .. ( no GREATER WOUND TO GRIEVE, NANCY.. I KNOW)
Freddie Mercury wrote a KITSCHY song .. covered by George Michael..
( my favorite version .. after Freddie)
HERES THE REASON.. NANCY…
“Can anybody find me somebody to love?
Ooh, each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet
(Take a look at yourself) Take a look in the mirror and cry (and cry)
Lord, what you’re doing to me (yeah yeah)
I have spent all my years in believing you
But I just can’t get no relief, Lord!
Somebody (somebody) ooh somebody (somebody)
Can anybody find me somebody to love?”
( the inner working of all humans .. plead for this .. all the lashing out .. is just a facade .. to cover the gapping “hole” inside ..)
THATS IT .. MRS P..
THE GREATEST HUMAN NEED IS TO MATTER..
WITHOUT IT.. WE DRIFT.. ANGRY .. LOOKING FOR “REASONS” TO ATTACH TO IT.. PEOPLE TO HURT .. WHO WE “BLAME” FOR OUR PAIN..
I… WAS IN THOSE CROSSHAIRS ..
SO.. WERE YOU .. ( January 6 .. may seem personal .. but it was not )
DONALD J TRUMP.. is angry … he doesn’t feel LOVED .. he rallies others to his emotional mindset ..
YOU .. were the OBJECT ( one of MANY) ..
“FEELING ANGER IS BETTER THAN FEELING NOTHING AT ALL..”
Now.. “IMPEACHMENT OVER”
It seems to you .. several people cast votes to say YOU DO NOT MATTER..
( they are angry and feel unloved too)..
ITS NOT PERSONAL.. you cannot make them suffer nor can you make them sorry..
You .. can.. however .. MOVE ON .. and help RIGHT THIS COUNTRY .. through the PANDEMIC .. YOU CAN SHOW YOU MATTER BY EXTENDING HELP TO THOSE HURTING..
CANNOT “SAVE” EVERYONE, NANS… LETS SAVE THE ONES WE CAN ..
I let it go… I Think of it from time to time. .. I remember the support I got from people I did not know .. but who heard my story .. and watched .. during and after .. You held my hand .. who wiped my tears .. who told me to STOP being a VICTIM.. who REMINDED me HUMANITY IS THE NORM…
(John Carmen.. brilliant renegade D.A… reminded me.. life ..all of it.. is in some respects one big WTF.. But WHAT COMES AROUND.. GOES AROUND.. and I was SMART .. I surely could see that ..”
I MATTER.. I MATTERED THEN… I MATTER NOW..
SO DO YOU..
NOW.. stop wagging your finger at the Republicans… and pick up a pen..
JOE IS WAITING TO SIGN THE BILL…
KEEP IT MOVING FORWARD..MADAME SPEAKER..
THATS WHERE WE ARE GOING..
“NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT.. IS NOT JUST AD FOR LADIES DEODORANT, SHERILYN.. IT IS A LIFE STRATEGY..”
Yep..John C.. it is ..
It’s definitely my “SECRET”… ( plenty of pun intended);
