MANTRA “ME”…

I think it’s a safe bet we all struggle with how to define our struggles..

Mostly .. because it’s damn unpleasant to think about them in such detail..

BUT THATS WHERE STUCK TRAUMA comes from …

We don’t “think”. … we “ ruminate” to the right … “bury” emotions to the left..

I swing back and forth on this…

( as a GEMINI.. I rationalized it was my fate … Charming and “glib” to the left..

Moody and “deep” to the right ..)

It was either that.. or PMS.. both I “embraced”…

IT WAS AND IS NEITHER…

IT IS LACK OF SELF COMPASSION… I blame myself for my mistakes..

Further adding to my TRAUMA spiral…

“An intelligent, independent.. CAPABLE woman DOES NOT… LOSE HER WAY…”

( this is an actual phrase my mind beats me up with … any chance it gets…)

I am “comfortable” with this… it explains my failings.. fills me the SHAME AND BLAME.. we W.A.S.P. Types relate to ..

It’s also given me A HUGE case of IMPOSTER syndrome..

Seriously.. HOW can I possibly “BE” competent .. except by “accident”…

How can I ASK for what I need… except for dropping “passive aggressive” hints.. and get irritated with the poor Schmuck who doesn’t pick up on it…

How can I direct ANYONE.. despite my years of experience, training.

And spontaneous.. expertise?

I crave SAFETY… yet this.. IS TERRIBLY UNSAFE.. it’s a freaking HOUSE OF CARDS NEXT TO AN OPEN WINDOW IN MARCH…

We are all OVERWHELMED… UNDER”HUGGED”…..OVER THINKING.. but not BIG THOUGHTS in that Einstein way .. ..

ENTER THE MANTRA..

A few words or a phrase that provides a place to redirect your mind to ..

MINE.. name my ISSUE and CURRENT STATE..

“COURAGE OVER COMFORT”

“RECOVERY”

I need the REAL COURAGE TO FACE MY COMFORT WITH THE FALSE

SAFETY I TRY TO “IMAGINE” IS AROUND..

CHANGE MY WICKED WITCH INNER VOICE TO GLENDA..

Show myself COMPASSION in moments I feel lost and am looking for

HOME..

“HOME” is not a PERSON, PLACE OR THING.. IT IS A STATE OF MIND..

MY “HOME” is under repair..

REPAINTING WITH MY “TRUE COLORS”….