LOVE RULE NUMBER 1..
FIGURE OUT WHO YOU ARE DEALING WITH ..
LOVE RULE NUMBER 2…
ACCEPT THAT REALITY …
SERIOUSLY… ACCEPT IT …
IN ACCEPTANCE … IS THE POWER OF LOVE..
THE POWER .. YOU HAVE HAD ALL ALONG…
“Sherilyn.. Would you just let me be a MAN?”, my late husband would plead…
“What does that “mean”..” I would counter ..” Do you want to go off and “stretch and spit” with your friends?”
Yep.. that meant.. “ I am WHO I am..please STOP trying to claim otherwise..”
But I did… after all… we were MARRIED.. and surely my “happiness” meant more to him than some “things” that were “inconvenient” to me…
I was soooooooo wrong .. and I can honestly say… looking back .. this misguided attitude by ME… was a HUGELY UNFAIR BARRIER TO A REAL CLOSENESS…
NO.. MARRIAGE IS NOT “CLOSENESS”…. LIVING UNDER THE SAME ROOF..
one fearing the displeasure of the other..AIN’T AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP…
We were MARRIED… we had bills together .. two children and 3 dogs.. but we were NOT close…
MY FAULT… (mostly)…
I bought into the FAIRY TALE.. ( most American women do)…
HE’S MOSTLY PERFECT… GOES TO “I NEED TO CHANGE HIS WAYS”…
THATS WHERE THE ROMANCE STALLS…
( it’s not with the coming of kiddies.. that’s just what we tell ourselves…)
HUGE .. BIG… DIFFERENCE. BETWEEN WRITING A REAL LOVE STORY ..and continuously editing …
I missed out on KNOWING THIS PERSON…
YES.. I KNEW THE. FACTS … and he knew mine..
I never knew the DEEP…
NOT FEELING ACCEPTED .. gets you the BASICS..
FAVORITE MOVIE… “THE GODFATHER”… ( every Italian man says this..)
FAVORITE COLOR .. “BLUE”… (every man says this)
FAVORITE FOOD .. PIZZA. ( in NYC..there are a thousand variations of this theme)
NO ONE INVESTS DEEPLY WHEN THEY FEEL THEY CANNOT BE THEMSELVES ..
AH.. LADIES… THATS THE THING…
I have been through at least 20 “dating” situations in the last 10 years..
( by that.. I mean .. ones where we invested more time than just one or two dates ..).
I discovered my PATTERN…
I was either IN AWE OF THEM.. ( I have dated ABSOLUTE TITANS..)
Or felt that I needed to HELP them… ( here we go… with the side glance.. and rolling of my eyes…)
COLUMN A.. I was not fully ME
COLUMN B .. I didn’t want FULLY HIM..
WELL..I am getting too old for this …
I met J .. randomly while on the subway .. I spilled coffee on his tan Burberry trench .. he told me to go back to Long Island … ( a true NEW YORKER knows.
No eating or drinking on the subway ..)
I offered to pay for this dry cleaning … we exchanged phone numbers..
He called. Two days later…
We talked.. he asked me questions .. like “Who’s your favorite author and WHY..”.. “Tell me about WHERE you came from”. not “WHERE ARE YOU FROM..”
He didn’t accept my WASPY answers ..
“ it was FINE..”.
“I am FINE”.
“ I like my life FINE”
He Offered actual insights and stories about himself .. not in a Arrogant way ..
But what interested him and WHY… WHAT he felt.. and WHY..
THIS .. WAS HOW HE OPERATED..
He did not want my basic facts.. he wanted my story …
I enjoyed his…
FAST FORWARD.. 2021… well… it has lasted since 2014..
I know him… he knows me…
And he reminds me of that fact when I go all WASPY..
( “FINE” is not a REAL ANSWER…)
Now… THE VALENTINES WEEK WISDOM..
CONNECTIONS … CAN GO AS DEEP AS WE ALLOW..
INTIMACY IS REALLY JUST THAT.. ACCEPTANCE
ACCEPTANCE ALLOWS DEEPER..
DEEPER IS THE BEAUTIFUL STUFF WE ARE HERE FOR..
LOVE IS NOT THE END GAME..
LOVE IS JUST AN EMOTION.. And we are often confused as to what it is..
( millions of “love songs” with just that gushy theme)
CONNECTION… REAL AND LASTING.. IS THE GOAL
ACCEPTING SOMEONE … IS HOW WE GET THERE..
( and yes.. I know this goes contrary to CARRIE and her MR. BIG..
That’s why it was so many emotionally draining seasons.. it never did look right ..)
DO NOT BE LIKE CARRIE..
( heels are really not worn in NYC..nor can someone “WHINE”their way to LOVE..)